Public Service Announcement: I pulled a post, for this.
Dear friends,
I had another post lined up, about life design.. how do you ask the questions that are going to give you the results you’re looking for… But that article got pulled when I learned this and I haven’t even taken the time to run this by an editor because it upset me so much:
A friend’s sister-in-law died from a disease based in adrenal-failure. Unfortunately this lines up with what I’ve been learning in my PAX Mastery & Leadership.. about how men and women operate differently – partly based on biology and partly based on society. Unfortunately the biological pieces aren’t being fixed by society unless we learn how to re-partner ourselves.
So I’m striking a match to see if I can shed some light, based on what has appeared. If we can play with this, maybe we can see something:
What if Men are biologically hunters; who are single focused and committed from result, to result- even though they learned to adapt to have more diffuse awareness, need zone time, and run by the needs of their environment without some of the tools to get those needs met.
What if Women are biologically gatherers; who have a diffused awareness that enables them to map lots of pieces and resources, but have adapted to production-based, single-focused, providing and protecting that requires high levels of transition and energy.
But neither gender is actually running with a full tank of gas this way.. and men and women are dying from heart disease, depression and chronic burn-out. Resentments are building up, chronic fatigue is ending lives, and our partnerships are dissolving lickety-split, unless we learn to have a new dialogue to re-examine partnership & gender.
How do I start illuminating this? How do I even create this dialogue and how do I start marketing this dialogue so I can afford to continue lighting it? How would you want to hear this information, what would get your attention to come hear it, and how much would this information be worth to you? (so that I can afford to keep teaching it?)
Thanks..
Looking for advice..
Kaye
Someone who LOVES what they do?
Dear Friends,
Sorry I’m late getting this article to you. My computer is down and I’m borrowing my boyfriend’s. Let the be a lesson in backing up my data regularly, and off-site, right? But today isn’t about me or my computer. I recently got the opportunity to meet an amazing woman who loves what she does, and does it in a way that keeps it human and real. Isn’t it amazing to find people who love what they do AND make what they do accessible to the people who might actually NEED their services?
Don’t get me wrong. Paying $30,000 to go see Tony Robbins has its place. He IS Tony Robbins and he is 2nd generation Personal Development Guru after Werner H. Erhard and NLP founders Richard Bandler and John Grinder. But some 85% of the world’s population is trying to figure how they’re going to keep shoes on their kids – if they even have THAT much.
So when I meet someone like Marriage and Family Therapist, Dena Plotkin, who is world-class at what she does and keeps it affordable for those who really need her help.. I get that happy bubbling feeling inside. Because, dude, if you’re trying to crawl your way off the floor of life, you don’t need an insurance company telling whether they’re going to help you get helped, OR a bill for $30,000/hour on top of things.
So here is what Dena has to say, and thank god there is someone here willing to say it:
“Do you take insurance?”
This is usually the first question asked when someone calls, searching for a therapist. It is a sad and very real comment on the economic circumstances we struggle with today. With health care costs soaring, affording therapy is a real concern.
As hard as it can be to bring ourselves to even look into therapy; it is a shame that, with the average session costing an average of over $100.00 (without insurance), sometimes therapy can feel out of our reach.
Even with insurance, often only a limited number of sessions are covered and frequently the therapy must be justified to an insurance company who doesn’t really get you, your needs or the work.
Therapy and the work space it provides is both unique and valuable. Because of this, I also believe therapy should be accessible and affordable. This is why I offer a sliding scale pricing in my practice. We, client and therapist together, agree on a price that works for us both. This decision is a reflection of our larger process, and signifies the first step in a collaborative relationship; focused on healing, change and transformation.
Let’s face it: money is a real concern for the majority of us. So is our well-being. These two concerns do not cancel each other out. You do not have to sacrifice one for the other.
Let’s agree to treat our business of therapy with respect and compassion…while collaborating to create the unique space for your life.
Peace,
Dena Plotkin, MFT
www.denaplotkin.com
Keepin’ it real –
Kaye
Ain’t Misbehavin’
Have you ever gotten in trouble or punished for something, and you had NO idea what you did wrong? It sucks, doesn’t it? In fact, if it happens often enough, don’t you get less and less inclined to co-operate with things in the future?
When people get in trouble like that, it is often because there is an assumption that someone is misbehaving. That the person both knows and is capable of doing what they should be doing, and for what ever reason they just chose not to. It is like if someone cuts us off in traffic, we think “What a jerk! They should have checked their blind spot.” But the thing is, that is WHY they call it a blind spot – because sometimes there are things happening in places we just can’t see.
So the question really is: what if people aren’t really misbehaving, but there is a good reason for why people do everything they do?
I once lost a friendship with someone I treasured. When we’d talk, we’d keep saying “Wow, we should really get together!” A couple months later, she wouldn’t return my calls, wouldn’t return my emails, and ignored me in social situations. 6 months later I found out from her boyfriend that she was no longer interested in having me as a friend, because I had never set a time or date for us to actually get together… and when she had been saying “We should get together sometime” I had been hearing as “Wow, our lives are really busy, I still care about you, so it would be cool if we could eventually have some more time to hang out again.” Instead of “I want you to set a time and date for us to hang out.” So, because that was a blind spot, I lost a friendship and had no idea why.
So, we do this in our lives with our friends, with our family, with our partners. We see someone who we think is misbehaving, and we push them away because we’re hurt. But we don’t think to ask ourselves; what if there is a really good reason for this, that I just don’t know?
In the case with my friend, all I needed was a structure that would work for her; if she’d said something like “we keep saying we should get together, but you’ve never proposed a time. I need you to propose a time because I’d really like to see this happen.” Then I could have immediately said “Oh, what does your schedule look like, can we plan something next week?”
So if we want to have satisfying partnerships and relationships, we get to ask ourselves:
- What if they don’t know they’re doing something to hurt us?
- What if this isn’t personal and there is a good reason (a perfect correlate) as to why this is happening
- Is something missing that I can provide – a structure, a distinction, a vision, a skill set, and
- How can I find out what this good reason might be? or what might they need to provide me with what I need?
Because chances are, we’re going to keep running into people with blind spots… and it would be nice to get—it’s not personal… it’s a blind spot.
Blinkers on –
Kaye
‘Til Death Do Us Part
We only have so much time on our little blue ball, known as Earth, and lately I have been working with the subject of death in the lives of my friends and community. In fact, one of my dear friends suffered the loss of his 32 yr-old daughter April 12th.
At the same time, I know at least two people whose mothers are in the hospital, and a third person whose friend was just diagnosed with cancer.
These things, while painful, remind us about how precious life is. When things are rough it is easy to point to something causing our hurt and suffering. But even when things are good, we often wonder if there is something more, something deeper that we’re missing. Then, even the good things don’t allow us to live with joy.
I’m sure we can come up with a million and three ideas behind the purpose of life, but we never really know how long we have here. Ultimately life is a vehicle of our self-expression and the best thing you can do is live it and count each moment with someone you love as the precious gift it is.
Moment of silence,
Kaye
Coliseum photo courtesy J. Terry
Special Election? I’d Like a Receipt Please.
After working in the Mental Health Industry early in my career, I have a special fondness for other professionals who also help keep our sanity together. Now is the time to continue to find ways to support one another, both professionally and in our communities. That is why at the last LA-CAMFT board meeting I spoke with Angela Kahn, LA-CAMFT’s Advocacy Chair, about upcoming issues to watch for. This includes things on the California May 19th, Special Election ballot. I asked her, of the issues she is raising awareness about, what are her top flags she wants people to know about:
Special Election, May 19th:
When the economy is suffering, people are stressed, homeless rates have risen, and Oprah needs to do a show before we hear about things like children committing suicide over sexual bullying: now is not the time to pull funding for services like mental health care programs, child abuse prevention, and early childhood development programs.
Prop 1E – Mental Health Services Act (Prop 63): Know anyone who suffers from depression or stress these days? Would you like to see LESS instead of more people abandoned to talking to thin air as they shuffle, homeless down the street? Voters already passed Prop 63, which went to help us all take care of these very things. However, some people don’t care that your vote counts and introduced Prop 1E to the ballot for the upcoming May 19th special election. Personally, I’m not cool about this fact, especially when it will take money from the mental health services to fill a budget gap spent with no accountability. When people are trying to rebuild their lives, now is not the time to pull their foundations, m’kay? Vote “NO” here.
Prop. 1D - Children’s Services Funding (Prop 10): Know any children? Any children with disabilities? Anyone who as a kid was been abused, adopted or sent through the foster system? Life is tough enough for them. Besides, I thought our future depended on healthy kids grown-up when we’re old and gray. So why would you want to pull $268 million per year from children’s services like child abuse prevention and early childhood development, already created by Proposition 10? Especially when they take money out of specific programs required by the voters and also spend with no accountability. Sure, I’m for filling in places that have gaps… but hey, if you gave someone $600, and they only spent $400, wouldn’t you want to see a receipt to know where your other $200 went? After all… who says wasn’t some buddy with a bridge to sell. Vote “NO” here too.
Upcoming Issues:
The Seniors Mental Health Access Improvement Act: Anyone you care about on Medicare? Think you may eventually need access to Medicare and want to be able to choose who you see? This act would provide 75% Medicare Part B coverage for you to see Marriage & Family Therapists along with psychiatrists and psychologists that are already covered. The act wouldn’t expand Medicare services, but it would give you and your loved ones more freedom under Medicare Part B to choose who to see. And, YES, I know I’d be happier if my dad with cancer had more choice about who could help him.
Pre-Existing Conditions: Most people don’t know that if you get support or treatment for your mental health; such as seeing a therapist, getting prescribed medication, or joining an insurance covered support group, a new insurance company will consider that a “pre-existing condition” and can currently refuse coverage. That may not be such a big deal if you get employment through a company and NEVER have a lapse of coverage — but if you are an entrepreneur or need to pay for your own health care, it would suck if they told you “too bad,” because you got anti-depressants after losing a job or a loved one. This Bill is currently being referred to a committee, so keep your eyes open or contact Michael Shepard, NAMI California, (916) 359-1675 & mshepard@winfirst.com for more information.
Mental Health Parity Act: We had a win for the Mental Health Parity Act, and it was actually signed in October of last year. Under this law the majority of health insurance plans must apply the same conditions and caps to mental health coverage that currently apply to medical and surgical coverage. Translation? If your healthcare caps medical coverage at $1 Million, they can’t cut you off at $100,000 for mental health coverage or substance abuse treatment. Why? Because it is still health care. The law goes into effect for most plans after October 3, 2009.
Root-a-toot-toot!
Kaye
Step away from the Snake-Oil
I see this ALL THE TIME.
“3 secrets to unlocking your wildest sexual fantasies”
“7 tips to making people give you their money”
“41 tales of the Arabian Nights”
Ok, so the last one was a shill… it is really 1001 Arabian Nights and the first two were paraphrased. But honestly, if you’re marketing yourself, I would RATHER someone figure I’m smarter than to think that there is any real “instant success” formula any more than real instant coffee.. COME ON look how little respect Sanka gets? AND I’d much rather someone honestly say “yeah, this workshop is about how to get people to give you their money” than teach me some fluffed up Law of Attraction we’ve seen canned and re-canned.
Maybe I’m coming across as a little harsh here, and if you’re getting into the industry because you actually want to HELP people, chances are there is something unique about you, and it isn’t your ability to spell the words “transformational” or “authentic.” (If you don’t know what I mean, feel lucky: you’ve been spared the woo-woo.)
But even as I’m coaching clients, I’m still getting requests from “heart based professionals” (like therapists and coaches) to help them with writing web & marketing copy.
Wanna know why? Because whether I’m writing marketing copy, or helping guide you along your path: all the details need to come from who you are… not from what someone is trying to brainwash you into. When we’re done working together, my goal is for you come away with something real, that you can be proud of.
That marketing hype? We both know you, and your clients are smarter than that, and I’m not afraid to call “Bull.” Why? You wouldn’t hire a personal trainer who didn’t care about you and let you pansy around, would you? You’d be wasting your money.
Gloves off..
Kaye
The Lag between Here and There
Suffering comes when we see the distance between where we are, and where we think we should be, and sometimes that impacts the people we love.
As a entrepreneur myself, I understand the gap so many other entrepreneurs feel when there seems to be a huge gap between where they are… and where they want to be. That gap can be painful for the entrepreneur, but the people closest can suffer as well.
Sadly, it leads to moments where partners, children, and families feel abandoned, in the pain of the visionary to produce results.
There is a balance to everything, marketing, development, research, bootstrapping.. But without knowing how to find that balance, or partner with the people we love; it can be a lonely vision being the one on the mountain top, looking out over an empire. And I’m sure we all know people who have sacrificed a relationship for a career. But when we’re 80 years old, are we going to look back and say “Wow, I had an amazing empire… and changed the world. But I lost touch with all the people I love.”
If balance is being hard to find, reach out, find help. You don’t have to do it alone.
Reach out to touch someone,
Kaye
