Flourishing Today

The comment that turned into a round-house punch.

Ever have one of those moments where you make an off-hand comment that then round-house slams you in the gut?

Living in LA, the land of “success,” it is easy to get a skewed perspective on what matters. Everything easily gets whacked out of proportion, including ideas about what really matters.

This was highlighted for me when I went back north to San Francisco to visit my family for Easter. Like most visits, I end up dusting off my old cosmetology skills and doing my parents’ hair. As I was finishing up with my dad, I made some off-hand comment about how he was now ready to take over the world.

My father, who is currently undergoing chemotherapy and experimental treatment for an inoperable brain tumor, quietly looked at me and replied:

I’d be happy just getting to see the world.

2-inches tall,
Kaye

Everything is amazing, nobody is happy…

Social Commentary by Louis CK..

I think he as some great points. We experience things these days that were miracles just 50-100 years ago. At the same time, a part of me whispers that these miracles are all well and good… how can we use them to keep food on all our tables when times get tough?

When the going gets tough,
Kaye

Take the compliment – PLEASE

I’m part of a focus group of four women entrepreneurs, all of whom I love  working with. While a diverse group, we’re all starting building our business/practices, based on years of skills and experiences. Every woman in this group is intelligent, fun, insightful, and edgy. They all are creative and have great a sense of humor.

But not one of us can take a compliment and it pisses me off.

Today, I was sitting in the dining room with one of them; she showed me her website, her business copy, her graphics, and it was a sock in the gut how amazing it all was. She had something coherent, visually stunning, professional yet edgy, amazing and my first thought was my god, I wonder if she’ll let me copy her site?? It was awesome, period. So I told her it was awesome. And I really admired how great she is doing (I admit, I’m envious!).

She rolled her eyes, and made a face. “Yeahhhh… well….”

Oddly, it hurt. She is doing awesome, to the point where I would be more envious if I didn’t admire her so much. Rolling her eyes was like telling me either I had no taste, or I calling me a liar. It made me think about what it must be like for others when I do it…

You’re welcome,
Kaye

Thank you for reading!
Read. Live. Comment. Grow.

I did done good & the Sisterhood Award

I know, normally I’m slated to post once a week, and I was recently awarded the Sisterhood Award! I had no idea what it was, so I checked out the Women’s Blogger Directory run by the awesome Alana Roberts. This is the award you share with fellow gal-bloggers who have touched your life, make a difference, and are wonderful girlfriends out in the blogsphere.

While one delightful part of my brain scolds, “you shouldn’t need outside recognition and nomination to feel good about your work..” I’m still human, and it was a rough night last night. Honestly, it meant the world to hear I’m not some voice lost in the noise and I’m actually making a difference. It took me a tissue and 10 minutes to find the words to thank Letitia for the nomination.

It made it all worth getting up this morning.

“If you have read Willow Dreams you will understand why Kaye’s site is of particular interest to me. Self help, the gentle guidance, understanding, someone who puts it in black and white. There are no big words to confuse you, nor are there condescending tones to make you feel belittled. Kaye’s site Flourishing Today is honest, funny at times and will give you that moment of “ah ha, now I get it”. We have personal problems, and now with the economy the way it is, people are losing jobs not just their sanity.

Kaye has a down to earth, educated perspective on life, love and living. I encourage you to visit Flourishing Today at http://www.blog.kayeporter.net

Congratulations Kaye, and thank you.”

From Letita Bellhouse – at Willow Dreams: http://willowdreams.wordpress.com

Letita is an amazing woman writing with haunting, raw honesty about her journey. There is no pretty face put on her journey… and there is beauty in the honesty.

Thank you again!

Besides my respect for Letitia, she is completely deserving of this award..

Part of receiving this award is then passing it to other women in the blogsphere whose presence in the blogsphere show attitude, gratitude, and/or moxy. In honor of that I want to introduce:

Bri of The Girl’s Guide to Homelessness: As she puts it: You don’t have to be a bum to be homeless. Here is a intelligent, courageous woman, facing the world of living in a trailer, making ends meet in a whacked-out economy.

Punzel of a thousand languid urges: Besides being an all-around cool woman, she demonstrates making a point can be as simple as a few words on a windshield. Even though she is way far away from me geographically, her “thought-crimes” inspire me.

Check them out!

With gratitude,
Kaye

Thank you for reading!
Comment. Share. Grow. Flourish

Success on it’s Knees?

Has the hunt for success blinded us? Success, at what cost?

How many people do you know who are out of a job, right now? I personally know quite a few skilled, intelligent, and hard-working people who are worried about the food in their stomachs and the roof over their heads. Fear for survival reeks in the air as locks tighten and thieves rip copper wires from abandoned houses to resell.

The world economy has taken a sudden and major plunge for billions of people. Many of those people didn’t have two pennies to rub together to begin with. More and more people are marketing us ways to make quick millions, while Skid Row is growing with more two-parent families in homeless shelters. Charities taking care of the have-nots are screaming for help, and fewer people feel like they have any extra to give.

Yet, if you ask many of the personal development gurus out there, there are trillions of dollars out there, floating around space. All you need to do is change your beliefs and soar to the top. But no one can get there alone. Business requites teams. It requires people who can afford you, and a world that can sustain.

This is why the recognition of our interdependence and what we already have is so important. What kind of society would we be if we forget the people who love us and care about us, the places in nature where we can see clearly, and moments of compassion, contentment, or peace.

So while any of us could say, “hey, I worked hard for my money..” We forget there are still skilled, intelligent, and hard-working people; worried about the food in their stomachs and the roof over their heads. These people are the backbone, the gears that keep the world turning, and if we don’t hang together, we will surely hang separately.

As I talk with friends who are losing their houses, struggling to find any job, and afraid for their survival; I have a renewed understanding of Mother Theresa. She believed it was not her mission to go out and fight the governments or laws bringing about the world’s suffering, but to ease the suffering itself. To remind the lost soul, dying of disease and starvation, that they are loved and never alone again. To let the lost know, that they aren’t invisible, someone out there sees them, and knows they too have lived in this world.

From the inscription on the Statue of Liberty:

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Stone Soup next Monday, my place.

You’re never alone,
Kaye

If You can’t Fix it, don’t Break it

In 1992 Sevren Suziki had a point — how can you expect to flourish if your world is dying?

Thank goodness there is a growing awareness that things need to change. But just in case you need that little boost to remember tomorrow, take a gander.

More than a Fabergé Woman

Does anyone “deserve” to have a relationship, just because they are a man or a woman?

This may sound like one of those “duh” things, but you’d be surprised at how obvious it isn’t. As a woman, I’ve had lots of time to think about relationships – from my parents, to my girlfriends around me with their heartbreaks and successes. When I was young, I certainly didn’t get it, but I was regularly assured that when I was married, I’d understand. So of course there is unconscious expectation that I’d have a relationship.

On top of that unconscious expectation, being a woman is being a valuable commodity, right? Of course I’d have a relationship. As a woman, you’re supposed to be both desired and treated with respect – no matter how you behave. That combined with outside affirmation from family and friends: you’re a wonderful person, you could have anyone you wanted… But it is a lot more complicated than that. Someone choosing to spend their life with another person is a beautiful, miraculous thing- we only have one life to share and it deserves the respect of all involved. It isn’t about being a Fabergé Gender, it is asking ourselves how we contribute to a Fabergé relating. You don’t scold a Fabergé Egg because it doesn’t shine right under florescent lighting, do you? You dust it, take care of it, and put it someplace where it can be displayed to its advantage.

There is a difference between an expectation that I deserve to have a relationship – simply because I am a [fill in the blank] and wanting to relate deeply with another person while being willing to take care that opportunity and gift. It is the quality of the relating that makes the moments infinitely precious beyond individual “deserving.”

Gender doesn’t make someone a Fabergé Egg… Peter Carl Fabergé crafted Fabergé Eggs. As far as I know, no human was born from some sort of jeweled egg. As we lovingly nurture, practice, and appreciate the qualities that make something precious, we craft the way we relate… with a shine.

To your shining,
Kaye