More than a Fabergé Woman
Does anyone “deserve” to have a relationship, just because they are a man or a woman?
This may sound like one of those “duh” things, but you’d be surprised at how obvious it isn’t. As a woman, I’ve had lots of time to think about relationships – from my parents, to my girlfriends around me with their heartbreaks and successes. When I was young, I certainly didn’t get it, but I was regularly assured that when I was married, I’d understand. So of course there is unconscious expectation that I’d have a relationship.
On top of that unconscious expectation, being a woman is being a valuable commodity, right? Of course I’d have a relationship. As a woman, you’re supposed to be both desired and treated with respect – no matter how you behave. That combined with outside affirmation from family and friends: you’re a wonderful person, you could have anyone you wanted… But it is a lot more complicated than that. Someone choosing to spend their life with another person is a beautiful, miraculous thing- we only have one life to share and it deserves the respect of all involved. It isn’t about being a Fabergé Gender, it is asking ourselves how we contribute to a Fabergé relating. You don’t scold a Fabergé Egg because it doesn’t shine right under florescent lighting, do you? You dust it, take care of it, and put it someplace where it can be displayed to its advantage.
There is a difference between an expectation that I deserve to have a relationship – simply because I am a [fill in the blank] and wanting to relate deeply with another person while being willing to take care that opportunity and gift. It is the quality of the relating that makes the moments infinitely precious beyond individual “deserving.”
Gender doesn’t make someone a Fabergé Egg… Peter Carl Fabergé crafted Fabergé Eggs. As far as I know, no human was born from some sort of jeweled egg. As we lovingly nurture, practice, and appreciate the qualities that make something precious, we craft the way we relate… with a shine.
To your shining,
Kaye
Such a good post. As I age, I realize just how precious it is to have a truely happy relationship. My daughter, a widow, struggles with loneliness, but is unwilling to accept second best.
Lyn
http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/lynscircle/
Thank you Lyn!
Losing someone is hard, especially if you’ve had that precious moment of happiness.. and it is gone.
I know some widows and widowers feel like it would be a betrayal to have another love. Often we have survivor’s guilt, or we can’t imagine going through the pain of that loss again. Maybe we don’t believe we could ever find something that precious, ever again.
My heart goes out to your daughter, hopefully she will find companionship that will help ease the loneliness, as well as meet needs she might have around honoring and easing the loss of her marriage.
Kaye