Flourishing Today

They do exist!

I wasn’t sure whether to write this blog post, because I realized as I was writing it, a) it could be super triggering and b) when giving useful tools, it started to turn into a book. Answers to “There aren’t any good, single guys in _______________” is a huge book..

Because there are. We just don’t notice them, or know what THEY’RE looking for.

Often, trying to find the right person feels like asking for a unicorn. I knew enough about the human brain though, to know how it works. The brain finds proof to match, our current, most powerful theory.. and saying there are no great _______ out there, means it’s our brain’s job is to prove us right. So when I was single, I knew there were awesome men out there and I wasn’t seeing them. After a couple of months, I found Christian. Right in plain sight in a community of other awesome men and women.

But it wasn’t just Christian.

I coach and am surrounded by great guys who happen to be single. They want a committed relationship, they know that communicating is integral to a successful future, and they want to build that future with a woman they love. Yet, all of them are baffled about finding that right woman.

And then I realize… that generally, we SUCK at dating. Not just individually.. but most of us suck at dating. At the same time, I know it just can’t be a lack of people, because I’m surrounded by awesome un-matched men who are ready to commit, if they could just find the right woman… and I know the opposite is true too.

I’m not going to turn this post into a book.. but I’m going to give you something to play with to make it easier. Because it’s about finding the jewels, and teaching your brain to become your partner in it. Start with something simple: every time you’re hanging out with someone (whether they’re single or not) start asking yourself: “How is this person attractive/awesome/great?”

You’ll start noticing really cool people around you already.

Keep the faith!


Kaye Porter
Relationship & Communication Coach