To Be or Not To Be – Honest?
Dear Friends,
You meet someone. There is a spark of attraction. You say to yourself “This person is pretty cool, I’d like to get to know them a little better.”
And then it starts..
How much do you tell the person about your past? About how you tick? About that one little habit you have? Something dearly important to you (like being a stay at home parent) in a relationship… that you need, but are afraid to admit?
I wish there was a hard and fast rule. Then I could tell you: tell them X much. I tend to run on the side of honesty, if only because it saves some wear and tear on my soul. It also helps with the sorting: the person can self-select out on the first date and you can move on to the next person who can appreciate where you’re coming from. And, if they know those little idiosyncrasies up front, you don’t have to wonder if the person across the table would still love you, if they only knew. Because now they know. True, you can also consider timing: when would you want to hear their family history?
And when do you tell them if you’ve decided not to pursue something further? Right there in the first dinner? After a week of getting to know the person, in case the first dinner was a case of nerves on both sides?
Again, I wish there was a hard and fast rule. I recommend sitting down and asking yourself: when would you want somebody to tell you?
I tend to want at least 24 hours with a good night’s sleep before making any potentially life changing choices. But when push comes to shove, I would rather know the truth, and be upset. The upset is far easier than the pain of wondering. Ultimately it is a favor to be open about the truth.
In honesty we trust,
Kaye
P.S. The advanced practice? Accepting the other person’s honesty with grace. How to do that, I’m still working on myself (especially if my feelings are hurt). For now.. I suggest you remember to breathe. It helps bypass the fight and flight system. Remember, at least now you know.
