When the Date is Over. Period.
Dear Friends,
Dating doesn’t always turn out the way we would like. I wish I could say otherwise, but no self respecting human being would believe me. Some people pile up heart-breaks like stock options, while others wouldn’t recognize the game if it was gift-wrapped on Christmas. Even when we think we’ve gotten things set; we’ve crossed every “T” and dotted every “I” and we still can get blind sided. We just don’t know until we get there.
For example: I once had what seemed to be an amazingly perfect relationship. The guy made me laugh more in the time I knew him, than I’d laughed with some people in years. I knew what it was to feel safe, secure and connected to someone special. We’d gone through our deal-breakers. We’d discussed everything from thoughts on kids to financial debt. We even fought the same. The guy seemed perfect and I even considered some significant life changes to be with him. Yet when the chips were down: we didn’t fit.
But whether it is a relationship of 20 years or 2 dates, recognize there can be a period of mourning. Mourning the loss of a connection, the loss of a relationship, or the loss of a dream. To the heart, all of these are deaths of sorts and don’t really get resolved until we get to grieve. Then it is easier to move on.
What ultimately matters, is what we do when all is said and done. Sure, we can beat ourselves up and tear ourselves apart wondering what went wrong. We can lash out at the other person for hurting us. We can get hard and bitter, swearing never to let another person in. We can grieve the change and loss… but realize at some point we get to let go and keep going.
And, sometimes we might bounce back and forth between all of the above. At that point all we an do is try to remember who it is we want to be in the world, and do our best. Of course, your millage may very, and it is still very real millage.
To your future,
Kaye
